Have you SEEN MY boundaries? They look like this:
Friday, February 13, 2009 at 5:58PM 
Social boundaries in online communities cross my mind many times in a day. There is a direct correlation between the evolution of social platforms to a unified state and the slowly depleting sense of individual personal space. The barriers that created a need for social interaction in a community sense now leave me conflicted as to how much I want to reasonably expose and to who in the online environment.
How do you define a friend?
A friend offline verses a friend offline; where do you draw the line? Are there levels of friends, acquaintance, admirer, foe, protagonist or ally?
I continually exist in two realms: business friends and personal contacts. Facebook, Twitter, etc... they make no differentiation between a professional contact and a BFF from high school. So, I do differentiate. My need to interact within the community built around my industry and with old friends from high school is very different. Although, the same level of familiarity is always the important goal I strive to achieve.
Social and cultural differences leads us down different paths.
Online, pretty much anywhere I will accept all friend requests. (Unless your spamy = ICKY). I personally would like to meet everyone at least once face to face. Engaging with people online first is a door opener for me. I already have a minor sense of who you are when we meet. If I run into you at an event or anywhere else I'm happy to shake your hand and learn more about you. I look forward to it!
Your personal online comfort zone depends on your online motivation and awareness. I have associates that choose to only engage and accept invites from contacts they personally have met, remember from somewhere or are willing to take the blood test that leads up to their DNA Matching Criteria test. (Yes, I tease.)
Transparency
Given it is always a positive concept to be real to those whom follow you and befriend both online and off. I prefer the its all or nothing mentality. If you only showed one side of your personality I would worry about you. I prefer to hear the rants and raves as well.
Levels of incompatibility
Quality to quantity. If your subjective and intelligent in your posts (anywhere) about your world I'm intrigued. It you only retweet news feed snipitts and spam me with your junk I will go out of my way to unfollow you everywhere.
Why do you follow individuals online? Where is your online comfort zone? What makes you unfollow someone?
Photo Credit: Smiscandlon
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Reader Comments (14)
Elizabeth,
This blog looks great, and your words are right on the money! Halleluia! Let's treat being on Twitter, Facebook, and all the other social websites like we are going to a party. Introduce yourself, get to know others, then wait for them to ask YOU what you do. If they don't ask, then they don't care. If you volunteer it, then you look boastful so where is that going to lead you? I want everyone in cyberspace to read your words. Thank you for putting in writing what many of us are screaming at our monitors. LOL
I'm interested in intelligence and creativity wherever they come from. So if I think I've found an interesting person over the net, I usually follow her. If I'm wrong, I can always cancel the friendship later. It's as simple as that. Offline, of course, things would be much more complicated.
Hi Elizabeth. Thanks for a great post. Since you asked... I don't unfollow people that often, but I will if they offend me (by writing about things I really don't need to know, like bodily functions), if all they do is try to sell something, or if after a while I just don't think we're a good fit. I might initially be attracted by a name and bio, but find over time that I was mistaken about the possibility of a conversation. Kind of like real life.
I did unfollow one guy because -- right after the Inauguration -- he announced that he hated poetry. Not that particular poem. Poetry. That's like saying you don't like dogs or soup. I'm sure that guy doesn't know or care that I'm not following him any more, but I had to take a stand. Just for myself.
You're right that your networks don't differentiate between work contacts and your personal friends - social media makes it harder and harder to keep a line between those two groups. But I think eventually we're going to all have to become comfortable with letting go of the boundaries (the underlying theme of my blog) and be our real selves all the time.
Hi Lisa,
I came upon this post via a post on Twitter. Thanks so much for raising this issue. I'm fairly new to all this and I must say I'm a pretty private person and I wonder often how to be a part of the conversation and still maintain a level of personal and professional balance. For now, I have chosen to take the leap and trust that those that I find and respect will reciprocate. Thanks for sharing your philosophy, it seems the most prudent way to dive in!
I retain no friends from HS. I have friends from College whom I haven't seen in decades. I have friends in Real Life who started out as co-workers. I have friends online whom I consider at the same level of "friendship" as co-workers and acquaintances in Real Life. I don't require physical meeting to call someone a "friend". I don't assume that just because we correspond that makes us "friends". I make a LOT of distinctions (friend, acquaintance, co-worker); I always have.
As for transparency, what you see online is me (although offline I'm a little more retiring, a little quieter, until I get to know you). I won't put something in Twitter or my weblog that I'm not willing to say in Real Life. I think more of us are getting to this stage.
Alternatively, I won't say anything Online that I'm not willing to publish. I don't gossip, share secrets from Work (or even talk much about Work), discuss private 1:1 topics. I try not to discuss possible "danger" topics. You won't, for example, learn my company name or religion from my Bio. Online, I can't control who is listening or what their reaction will be. I'm transparent but I try not to be rude or foolish.
I know some people who are proud that they have no onlline presence. They take great care to keep things that way. I pity them. I think that's the modern equivalent of being a hermit - never going out never meeting people, never talking to anyone.
I think Real Life intersects our Online Lives and this is a Good Thing (caps intended). It's as if everyone had hundreds of penpals. I have follow people in Twitter who are from India, Australia, the UK, the US East Coast (I'm West), Canada, ... Centuries ago we only knew people ion our own small village.
The world is getting smaller. The word "friend" is overused. Online communication is a learning experience.
I like this blog post and I will get to your question in a sec. I was confused by the first sentence in the 2nd paragraph where you wrote "A friend offline verses a friend offline; where do you draw the line?" - isn't this the same thing?
Regardless, to answer your question --- I take a look the bios of the people that have connected with me. I don't automatically follow (or unfollow) anyone, but I do look to see if they are a real person - preferably with a pic, a bio, and perhaps a blog or link to find out more about them. I follow a lot of people and I look for both similarities and differences of opinion. I have learned a lot more from the people that are different than those that are in my industry. So, to answer your question - I will typically unfollow people (eventually) if they are what I call "lurkers." I'm completely fine with people watching to get a feel for the social media tools, but I hope they eventually want to participate. I don't have a hard and fast rule and I do like to hear differences of opinion. I hope you do too.
Bon nochi! This is such a great post! I remember when I first started blogging on LiveJournal, friendships were quickly lost over this same topic. I prefer to share more about my personal life than my business world. I want people to know the Xavier that happens to be a PR guy, an Event Planner, and a music promoter booking contact. I want people to know that I am real and upfront about myself.
I follow my instincts about people and my surroundings. I've been blessed to have such wonderful angels around me.
I look forward to more of you. Thanks for sharing.
*CHEERS*
~X~
Sue
I do agree. I love parties and there are so many out there to be enjoyed online. I do think it is the face to face handshake that makes it a personal friendship.
Franz Iacono
Funny thing is life can always get more complicated. Lucky for us, online our response can be a simple as an "unfollow" button.
Cameron,
You gotta do what feels right to you. I bet you weren't the only one that resigned from following him.
Katie
Great points and I love your blog.. especially the image!
Boundries are one of those fun topics that vary from person to person based on their comfort levels, based on their personal experiences and motivations. Strange lives can lead us to strange places.
Vicki,
There is definitely a wide gap of difference between the participants online and the individuals not online. Ironically, the "hermits" probably use the internet like an online library as their needs dictate and not to its full potential.
Online actions and participation are always determined but an individuals comfort level, or so it seems.
Xavierism,
Diversity is the spice of life and I too believe in a showing the world an in depth look at who I am. As I figure out more I will show more:)
A close friend mentioned to me recently if you show a diversity of aspects of who you are people will see you from a more "realistic" perspective.